Live Oak Blues What happens.

…But I have a few things I need to tell you. To be sure, you have in instances beyond counting left me emotionally wrung out, have dragged me into the dark rooms of my heart I would have preferred to leave unvisited. With your naked voice and rickety upright you have forced me, during the space of a song, to sit still in the raw stuff of grief and beautiful tragedy. That is a powerful engine you’ve got there, Tom Waits…so, I hate to come off as bitchy, but please consider these suggestions:

Enough With The Pots And Pans Already–This was a brilliant slap in the face on Swordfishtrombones (1983), but now it has become kinda schticky. I get your fascination with the jarring tones of industry and the whole Anything Can Become An Instrument thing, but (and I hate to admit this) I hit the Next button the second I hear the first pipe banging. I happen to think you are a more important artist than Kurt Weill, so no more tribute is necessary at this juncture.

Use Marc Ribot Sparingly—Ribot is an exotic spice that can overpower a dish and transform it. His trademark electric sound (distinct from his jazz sound, folk sound, Cuban sound, and manifold other sounds) is so associated with your music that one wonders if he should share songwriting credits (I for one think he should). His solo on “Hang Down Your Head” is so note perfectly appropriate that I would be upset if I heard him change a note of it in live performance. For me, this is his song. You are famously generous with your credits, but you don’t want half your live catalog to disappear if something, God forbid, happens to Marc.

Your Voice Should Never, Ever Be Masked–Regardless of what others may think, your distinctive voice is actually quite varied. From the heaving husk of “Waltzing Matilda” to the wailing of “Cold Cold Ground” to the barking litany of “Step Right Up,” you have more arrows in your quiver than the rest of the Island Records catalog combined. So why the dependence on the heavily gated and masking vocal effects on “Make It Rain,” “Jockey Full Of Bourbon,” and “Please Wake Me Up,” to name but a very few? As with the pots and pans, a little is okay, but I hate hearing you do this so much.

I don’t pretend that taking my suggestions will make you any more The Great Tom Waits than you already are, but as with anyone I love, I felt the need to at least tell you this before it all ends. I realize I should have brought this up in the late 80s, but I’ve had a lot on my plate. I know you’ll understand.